TO SMELL THE EARTH
When I think of you Mom, I like to picture us like this, with me as your little boy.
We had a little trouble between us when I grew up and got stupid. We were estranged for a few years, but thank God we made up.
I didn’t always agree with everything you said. Honestly, you had a different point of view about so many things. Not necessarily wrong but just different.
But, I loved you every single minute of your life Mom and I want you to know, I still do .
The place where Bob and I poured your ashes was so beautiful that you would have certainly chosen it yourself. High-altitude, Lake Tahoe, beautiful pine trees and two deer just standing there like they knew what was going on. They didn’t even run away.
But that was so long ago.
This is something that you are not going to understand Mom. I have complicated troubles that confuse even me, they really do. You would never understand them and what I would say, if I were to tell you, would only trouble you. But, you are my mother and I just feel safer having you near me.
Sometimes, life just isn’t fair and there’s really nothing you can do about it except take it the best way you know how.
You always made me feel better to joke with you or play games with you or go shopping with you or something like that.
Well, I guess we can’t do that anymore Mom. But I can still come to you and we can still talk.
I can lay down on the exact spot where we poured your ashes. I want to see you in my mind, the image of me holding your hand and singing with you just like when I was little.
As I smell the earth in this cathedral of trees, you are in my mind just like you are still here. I love you so mom, I always will.
I just wanted you to know.
