THEY CALLED IT PUPPY LOVE
# 35…………A penpal letter written by Jim to Gen
Most people experience a ‘memory bump’ between the ages of 15 and 26. This period of heightened memory coincides with various first-time experiences, such as a first kiss, sexual encounter, or driving a car. These memories tend to be more impactful later in life because they took place when our memory capacity was at its peak.
I was so imprinted upon Chris, now it hurts to even say her name . It was impossible for me to leave her and I tried many times. We met when we were kids. I think she was 16 and I was 17.
Last night as I was fighting to get some sleep, just realized another instance where she was unfaithful to me. I was doing so good about coming to terms with her memory. In a recent writing I did, Crystal and me had a pretend conversation. We were sitting down in my mind, to a discussion rather than an argument about what went wrong with our marriage and I was starting to feel good about all of my feelings and letting her memory fade into my past. I could almost feel that painful memories were far more removed from me than they had ever been before. I was seeing her as somebody that once loved me although she was deeply troubled and she did the best she could.
Then, as I was falling asleep last night, I got a flash from the past of my best friend putting a headset on me while I was sleeping on his floor. Chris and I and Steve and his wife were partying and listening to music late night. There were just the four of us in the room and Chris was dancing by herself. She wasn’t dancing for me. I know for a fact she must’ve been dancing for Steve my friend. I was laying on the floor after having a few drinks and maybe dozing off. He put a headset on me and cranked it on full. I woke up in agony and he thought it was funny. It just dawned on me Genevieve. Crystal watched him do that and let him do that to me. I know what kind of a person my friend was and more recently, I’m finding out fully what kind of woman my wife was when my back was turned. Of course I surmised that if the two of them disrespected me that much together, that they were doing something else together and I became their laughingstock. You would never do that to somebody you love and you would never allow that to be done to somebody you love.
So instead of staying in the past where she belonged and feeling comfortable that she was sinking even further into my past, she came forward at 100 miles an hour hour.. I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced this kind of anger Love. I hope you haven’t.. I had zero sleep last night because it’s really hard to sleep when something that hurtful smacks you in the kisser . It feels like a roller coaster. I can’t get rid of it and it actually hurts inside my chest. I think it’s muscular tension and it’s horrible. It aches and aches and then some other thing crosses my mind about her and then it really aches before it dies back down to a dull roar again.
I’m sorry love, I’m sure you don’t need this after what you’ve just been through. I’m sorry it hurts you like that every year. You can probably draw a lot of parallels between what you were feeling and some of the things I was feeling. Music is my life and I feel that each songwriter is telling you how they feel. I sympathize with Lady Gaga. She is so awesome. This song carries so much emotion I don’t know if it’s helpful to relieve the pain but crying helps a lot sort of like a safety valve on a pressure cooker.
