SOPHIE

I’m almost 18 and, I’ll bet,
I’ve seen more of life than you.
I walk and work cold streets
while still in the flower of my youth,
and……………….
no one ever cares, even a little,
about my truth.
Men whisper soft sweet things,
my smile is so enticing, they pay me
so much money, — it’s not free,
to let them crawl all over me,
but …….. only for a little while.
Someone’s darling, I won’t be.
Unknown fears and icy winds
take away my phony smile,
as I walk night after night on
that lonely cold hooker mile.
Inside and out- I’m just a kid,
full of thoughts I can’t control.
My hostile thoughts must stay hid.
I may be stabbed with a knife,
by a sad little man who lost life’s folly
And no one can know what he did.
I dream I’ll find love someday,
but then I think — -for real ?
Who would ever want me ?
But I had no choice, you see.
The street was better than home.
My drunken father — — — —
Night after night — — — — — —
It’s a secret — — —
Don’t tell mommy — — —
still it tortures my mind .
I’m still filled with regret,
it makes me wanna fight —
I hated him so but kept it hid — -
as he closed the door
and turned out the light.
Doesn’t he know, I’m just a kid ?
Today you won’t see the child outside
Today I’m strong, I will pretend
I know tears show weakness, but
I’ve lost all logic and I’ve lost my pride.
A quick fight always expresses
my hair trigger temper
but sometimes I just need to hide.
I fight everybody with ease
tonight I’ll sleep in my tears.
Jail is only one more hurt to abide
Morning will see my release,
and as tough as jail is,
I’ve been raped, kidnapped and beat.
Oh man, how I dread the mean streets.
I was a naïve 11 when I left home.
I’ve been out here six years on my own.
My release from jail won’t comfort me
that Hell is all I’ve ever known.
My jail guard Nicole was my friend.
She wished she could help me.
Sadly she now shows me the door,
and I have to go out there again.
On the streets I’m reminded,
I am no more than a whore !
That word cuts like a knife,
as I feel my soul bleed a little more.
I was once a flower all adored
a sparkling little soul
innocent smile, pure in heart,
but that sadly is no more
I pray I get the power to
make me someday feel whole.
I can’t do this anymore
my inner voice is shouting
my hourglass is running out
but I still do it all the more.
What was I going to be,
what could I have been
before this life happened to me
and I felt full of filth and sin.
Is this living I ask myself ?
In my head my prayers get lost.
The insanity that I have

cunfusion is upon me, and

sometimes makes me cry
it came at high cost.
I will carry these scars

as long as I’m alive
I have not lost

And than, dark clouds hide the blue
and I think — look at me — — look at you.
What do you see ?……… Fear ,
anger, tears and striking you.
Just between me and you
there huge canyon between your life and mine,
and anyone who wants to s…w
You’ll never understand it, so don’t even try .
If I use drugs, don’t blame me
Were you in my head right now,
you’d never stop your crying
and beg for me to set you free.
Please say a prayer for me alone .
I am still one of God’s own.
I didn’t choose this dilemma,
fate chose what was not known
I felt guilty and alone when
Dad touched the innocence I had.
I didn’tKnow how to make it stop
that whirlwind with my Dad
Is this a nightmare or a dream?
I just can’t take this anymore
and I can never go home.
I’m so lonely I could scream.
Look at me, look at me, what do you see ?
You’ll probably just look the other way,
to protect myself, I’m hard as nails
And softness is weakness they say.
But just for my sake pray for me
Pray He welcomes all that I have done
and welcomes me with open arms
Come on in, come in He will say
Come on in, you’re finally home
Till than the hurt in my head
Makes me feel so all alone.
What makes it all go away
Tears streaming down my face say,
It’s just not worth it- my life
It’s not worth a bad poem
I want to give up this fight,
but it’s all I know at end of the day
and I can never go home……….
I want to find Jesus,
I hope He wants me…….
I need a faithful friend.
to remove my shame
and make me see
wrong from right
and see my own light.
Maybe — -He can help me
to turn my life around
before I’m eternity bound.
Before I go away
never thought of again
like I was never around
but salvation I found.