Mean Mistreater
Just look at her. I felt like a magnet was pulling me when I saw her for the first time. She might not be beautiful to others but to me, she belonged by my side immediately. This is how I felt when we first got together :
I felt like I was on cloud nine and I refused to see dark clouds on the horizon. Nobody needs to tell you, you can just feel it inside if something is wrong. If she was trying to drive me away from her, she couldn’t have done a better job. But she told me she loved me and she hung onto me like there was no tomorrow. I really don’t think she was trying to drive me away from her. Everything would’ve been much easier if that was her intention, but she always assured me that we were a solid couple no matter what. There was sex only rarely which was such confusing agony. She said we had a very rare and special kind of love and that’s exactly the way it felt to me also. But this is the stuff of mental torture. What happened next was a step into the psychosis that made me think about suicide. Obviously this was all my fault .
Oh my God, the emotion that this song stirs up inside of me. It’s as though this song was written by me and I was singing it and every part of it is true.
I literally feel like I’m tearing into pieces because I can’t take this torture anymore but when I think about leaving you, it feels like I’ve been hit in the chest with a sledgehammer.
I can literally feel myself coming apart and I can’t get enough air for my next outburst of crying since learning what you have been doing while my back is turned away.
What started off in my mind as the most wonderful marriage in the history of all marriages started to fall apart bit by bit, day by day, month by month, year by year.
I didn’t try to fall in love with you, it just happened. I love you more than my own life, but we’ve had so much bleeding and pain that I’m not sure if what we share can be brought to light of day and saved and its just breaking my heart. I know you love me but there is no joy in my life. I’m an avid music listener and I only listen to heartbreak music when I think about you. I believe you when you say you love me but your behavior shows the opposite. I only have one life to live and I refuse to only listen to sad songs forever if you know what I mean. I have a long playlist of songs from when we were together. Here’s a couple of songs that reminds me of the time that I thought I was losing my mind, but was still ever so happy you were not there.
I was driving on Highway 50 when this last song came on the radio that I heard it for the first time. It spoke to me and reminded me that I lost something that I’ll never ever have back again as long as I live. Tears flooded my eyes as I pulled over to the side of the road and cried for at least five minutes or so until the Highway Patrol officer told me he understood , but that I really needed to move along.
I eventually found that grief over a lost romance can destroy you. You have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and live a full and complete life and as horrible as it was, you can’t feel sorry for yourself forever. It may sound cruel to say but, snap out of it as best as you can.
