LOVING A STRANGER
Agnetha Faltskog singing
“If I Thought You’d Ever Change Your Mind “. I wish I could have changed Sineads mind about this horrible act that has no reset botton .
I don’t mind admitting that I have a problem. I have fallen in love with a stranger. Of course it was always one way as she never knew I existed. But I definitely knew that Sinead existed. I’m having such a hard time handling my grief. I just start falling apart now and then and I can’t help it and it won’t stop. It’s as though my Wife or my Sister has died, and that life was taken by her own hand .. I don’t know how much capacity as humans have to love each other. I happen to believe that it’s infinite.
I have never used Medium so directly but I feel it’s a place where I can safely unload my emotions without any criticism. I need to do so today because I am having such grief over the death of Sinead O’Connor. I don’t mind admitting that my eyes and nose are ever so swollen and I didn’t sleep well last night thinking about her. I can’t seem to make it stop.
A while back, I begin to learn about her life and fall in love with her and her romantic music. When I learned about how horrid so much of her life was , I felt like holding her forever and trying to make her feel that everything would be all right, if I could. She got to be very personal to me and I felt extremely protective towards her. On several occasions , she was begging for help but none ever came. I truly felt her pleas .
And now I’m sitting on the edge of time and I think she took away her own life and I really wish it wasn’t so . If I could speak to her right now, I would say, You darling girl, God knows you had a very rough life you precious thing, but I thought you were finding peace in your new religious inspiration. If only we could’ve shared intimate conversation I could’ve possibly made you see things in a new light . If you only knew that when someone decides to take their own life, it is a shameful and selfish act. To decide to be gone forever by your own hand, can happen in a flash and will have truly created a horrific permanent solution. But, everyone that you leave behind who feels love for you, will feel punished and will suffer for the rest of their lives over the loss of you..
The ones that love you the most will suffer the most. Those who love you will never stop judging themselves that they could’ve done more, or they should’ve seen it coming.
If only we could’ve talked with each other Sinead. We could’ve shared about anything and everything for as long as you wanted. I would’ve cried with you over the loss of your son. I would have stayed by your side as long as you wanted. Forever, if that is what it would take.
There’s nothing I wouldn’t have done to change your mind. If only I could’ve done something to make you change your mind. It would be as though you would be giving everyone who loves you, the gift of you, you wonderful girl, but now it’s too late !
There was no one like you, love, no one .
