I LOST MY PUPPY
I feel sick inside. Sometimes, when things happen, I just need to grit my teeth take a deep breath and say, that’s okay. It’s okay.
Please bear with me about the adorable puppy. I get up at 3 AM and it’s 6 AM right now. As usual, I’m writing whatever my heart inspires me to write. I don’t try to think of the subject I’m going to write about, I just wait for the subject to present itself to me, and it does.
I spent at least two hours writing a poem. I’m serious about poetry writing or any kind of writing for that matter. I’m not pleased unless I feel like a piece of me has been torn out. This morning I felt like I wanted to talk about first love. I just adore first love. The flirtations, the things said, the things done — it’s all wonderful because it’s brand-new and ever so thrilling. I visualized myself in high school and a particular girl was sitting two rows over and we were making eye contact. I see her in my memory, the movie screen of my mind. I was feeling the excitement of the prospect of a new love with this most interesting girl. I even went online and looked up the lexicon that teenagers might use. I am a connoisseur of eye flattery. I was imagining how wonderful it would be to meet her after class. If I was standing in front of her, and looking at her lips, would I be able to resist. Would kissing her be doable or too bold. But, it would break my heart to see her even talking with another guy so I must move quickly.. I know it’s corny to use the term head over heels, but how do you describe that wonderful feeling ? A first love makes you feel like you could fly, and it also makes you feel like you could cry. You are terrified and you are ecstatically happy all at the same time.
Shifting gears quickly, thanks to polio when I was a child, my typing is limited so I use Dragon voice to text technology. It’s a miracle for me because if I can’t write, I don’t want not be a part of this world anymore. I’m not exaggerating because sometimes it feels like writing is my air. I have so many things bottled up inside I feel like I could explode if I can’t let that out. I’m sure that is not unique among writers.
I was moving my keyboard and for some reason my work disappeared.
Everything I had been working on for the past three hours just disappeared off of the computer. I don’t know why this happened. When things like this happen, I just sit back and close my eyes and take a deep breath and put on “ Lord, I Hope This Day Is Good “. It has to be sung by Anne Murray. She has the voice of an angel and when she sings, I calm down and give crying a go. It hurts like a family pet died, and she helps me to release .
It couldn’t hurt worse if that beautiful cocker spaniel puppy , for some reason, was just taken away from me. Sometimes we need to focus on remembering that this is a beautiful life and were lucky to be here at all. Imagine, the best thing that you ever wrote and just as you’re typing the last word, the whole thing just disappears and it’s nowhere to be found. Breaking things to get rid of your anger doesn’t solve a thing . Then I think about that thing I wrote, it was fate that it should become a ghost poem. I can do better and I think He is telling me so.
Well, I fooled fate because I took what fate did to me and I turned it into a story and you’re reading it . I love to make lemonade.
Do you know what I mean? There are so many things that can be turned into good .
Please don’t be put off if I get a little bit religious. I’m not trying to sell you on religion if you’re not that way already. It’s just me.
Music is medicine to me. I can’t believe how soothing it is to play Anne Murray and especially “ Lord, I hope this Day Is Good”. Do yourself a favor and give it a go sometime. It’s not going to kill you I swear.
Have a little cry, It’s a healthy thing to do. Have a beautiful day.
