DEAR OTHER SIGNIFICANT OTHER
If I’ve learned anything in this life, I have learned this. Jump in with both feet. If you don’t feel it in your heart, leave it alone. Live your life on your emotions. Always wear your heart on your sleeve. It is wise to go on your first impulse. Nothing can go wrong. HA HA !I was once a fool who believed that.
She was sexually aggressive with me. I’m not exaggerating in the least when I say that she treated me like a piece of meat. I was not prepared for that.
I felt like I must be absolutely the luckiest guy in the world, because it was so unexpected, because I was extremely naïve. I certainly did have completely overpowering joy over it. I’m just a gullible dude, why would I question anything so wonderful.
I thought it was me but then I found out it was purely her. But how does an innocent person realize that an overt act is more of a sign of who they are, rather than “you find me impossible to resist”.
I had no idea what love was. I honestly thought love was the flood of the feel-good hormones that I got whenever I was around you. Every chance we got we were all over each other in every way possible. I would come home from dates with you, and Mom would ask me what’s wrong with my neck. It was difficult to pass off a hickey as nothing to your Mom. I’m pretty sure Dad explained things to her, because she stopped asking.
The skin on my lips would be worn super smooth because of the marathon deep passionate kissing that happened every time we were together. Reinforcement after reinforcement after reinforcement. We were continuously physical and in the midst of the first real love with all the bells and whistles. I loved you with every fiber of my being. I called out a guy just for trying to walk you home. That’s the only time in my life where I really thought I could pound somebody to a pulp. We were just kids and when kids fall in love, they imprint on each other more so than in any other relationship in their lives. That bonded connection is so strong. I was your man and you were my woman and it’s hard to destroy that memory because it just won’t go away. You were so tiny, I could easily pick you up to kiss you even with my problem. Maybe our relationship started as passionate infatuation, but it grew into something entirely different. I’ve had too many years to overthink this. I don’t purposely search for memories of you, I really don’t. But then, for example, somebody says something just the way you used to say it, I just start crying. When people say what’s wrong, how could you ever explain that. Our marriage started growing ice cold, and there was no more joy. After you fell asleep at night, I would lay with you and spoon with you at night remembering how happy we used to be, and cry like a fool. I think it’s human tendency to put in things on a happy note. I thank God for giving me you. For 2 minutes you showed me heaven, And then you became a hard life lesson. That simple memory of you has given me a lifetime of tears. The hell that I received is wanting you so much but never having you, not really.
It is been so impossible to deal with this insanity. But I’m getting better. I’m fairly certain that in time you will not play such an undeserved part in my present. I need to put you on the shelf just like any other dusty book in my library. But I reserve the right to take you down and listen to the old songs and think of you and me and cry anytime I want to.
Dear one, There is a part of me can’t stop seeing you as the love of my life, and damn my eyes, because that means I’m not living in my present world which is beautiful. But God dammit, Nothing will ever take away the beautiful part of what we had, because it was a big part of my life. I always jump in with both feet just like when we met. I don’t feel guilty at all remembering how it used to be. After all is said and done, I am still able to think- wasn’t it good?
Ingrid H. Turner-If you get this message — thank you so much.
