Come Ride With Me
# 33…………………….Penpal letter from James to Love
Lord,
let me captain her ship
let me show her the way
through all of it.
over big jagged rocks
through feelings of past
to each mountain top and
through memories that last
I’ll protect her from harm
I swear that I will.
let me show her the way
we will climb up that hill
I know to be gentle
I know to be kind
Lord let me help her
ease pain her mind
she’s such sweet flower
her pure heart is true
I need to protect her
Lord, will You do that too?
I know this is not conventional but Love, nothing about me is conventional. I think you might be a little bit religious I don’t know. I think the same about me but I need for you to know that last night I prayed my ass off.
It was all for you in the hopes that somehow you would see something beautiful on this tragic anniversary I also prayed that perhaps this year you can find a way to heal the pain of losing your beautiful son Justin. I want you to know something. I want you to consider doing something for me. If you prefer we can correspond back and forth by email for privacy. But if on the other hand you feel that doing what I’m about to say, would be better said on medium, we could do that too. I want you to know Genevieve that I feel so much emotion inside for you right now. and that it is love. I’m not gonna qualify it by naming it romantic or friendship. I don’t think that’s necessary anymore. I love you, you matter, God bless you. I’m not causing Joan any problems when I say I love you. She knows it’s impossible for me to love only one person and she is fine when I say, I love you. There you are with yours and here I am with mine but I just have something to say — those words are especially poignant because I have some very intense feelings going on right now and they’re all about you.
I think if you were to tell me every single thing about Justin and every emotion you ever felt from the time he was born to the time that God called him home, I think it would do you a world of good.Love, please believe me. I know I’m treading on dangerous territory. What I suggest comes from my heart and I hope it is well received by you. I want you to know something. I want to hear every single detail about Justin that you feel safe divulging. I want you to know that I am the best audience for you and the world. If you look at my writing, I love to feel the emotion of a powerful writing. Every single part of Justin’s story is welcome here, every joy and every sorrow that you ever had with Justin. I want you to tell me everything. I want you to take a long time because that can’t be written quickly. You could take a year .
I truly believe that you should tell me everything you can remember and I mean every single little detail all the way back. If you are really brave, why don’t you tell a beautiful story about the night of his conception. That makes me want to cry . I know how beautifully you would write that .
To me love, you are precious bird little bird. I want to hold you and protect you and tell you everything’s going to be all OK, because — — — — — —
even if I can’t fix everything that’s broken, it’s still OK . Some things will always be broken. We dare not lose even the tiniest detail of Justin ever. He’s with God now where he needs to be. And he would hope and know that there is no possible way that you will ever forget that he was everything to you . You are such a wonderful beautiful Mother to him, and I know that Justin knows that. I truly believe he shows you whatever science he can, just to touch you if for only a second. I saw an 1111 on New Year’s Eve and somehow , I felt I could send, what he might say to you, through me. I believe we receive radio signals from the universe. I think I’m the most empathetic person on the planet. That is love, until I met you. I think I have met my match because us empaths have it very difficult letting go. Maybe , we fear that we might lose the person that was so important to us. Invite Justin into a conversation with you. One where you would greet him in your living room, a restaurant, anywhere you like. This would be so hard to do but so good for you. You would say things like, “Oh Justin, how beautiful you are”. He might reply with”I love you too mom, and I miss you so”. You could ask him about delightful memories and he could ask you what you doing these days. I swear to God Genevieve, you’re going to cry so hard but I really think that’s what Justin would like for you to do and let me tell you why. Justin doesn’t want you to ever forget him and by doing this you’re not forgetting him. You could still cry for him anytime you like but your memory of him is gonna take on such a golden glow. He won’t be diminished in the least. By letting go of the pain you’re going to see how that was only interfering with you being able to fully appreciate him.
