CANOODLING MADE ME BAD
It was late winter and I just took my drivers license test for the first time. I was 16 and somehow I had fooled adults into letting me have a drivers license even though I was just a little kid. Go ahead, try and convince me that a 16-year-old boy is not just a little kid. I will tell you otherwise because I remember. I don’t want to imply that all 16-year-old kids were like me , but I do know that I was definitely brain-dead when it came to making good decisions.
When I was 16, (I’m not religious but I’m making a sign of the cross and quoting verse in Latin) — when I was 16, I got my drivers license. I had a girlfriend too and her name was Sherry Collins. It’s not going to do you any good to look her up because I ruined her for every other man because I am just that good and undoubtedly she’s been married and divorced many times since she was with me, trying to find again what she once had . .with me….GET IT !
Around that time I got in trouble with the law and when my parents investigated my juvenile activities they were so outraged that they forbade me to see the love of my life, Sherry, and they took the family car away from my use and took away my drivers license too.. But I was in love with Sherry and how dare they interfere with love. She looked like Ronald Reagan’s first wife, Jane Wyman. We were fond of one another to the point where there was serious canoodling. Anywhere and everywhere that canoodling could occur, we canoodled ! Normally I would never canoodle and tell, but this occurred a long time ago so I think it’s okay. When my Mom and Dad took my girlfriend away from me, I decided — — well, we will see about that! ! !
Canoodling when you’re 16 is a powerful elixir and once you’ve tasted the good life, it’s like trying to hold back the Red Sea to keep a young man from the love of his life.
It was about a month later that fate set in. A guy down the street was selling his 48 Chevy sedan. He was a homeowner about 35 or 40 years old I guess. The car had a for sale sign on it but it didn’t say how much so I asked. He said it was $50. I peddled my bicycle home. I have been saving birthday money and Christmas money and money I made from pulling weeds for a long time and I had $50 cash. I had it under my secret drawer where I kept my Playboy magazines. I boogied back to the guys house and put $50 in his hand and he handed me the keys. I don’t think he even asked me if I had a drivers license, but I did have a drivers license because I went to the DMV and told them that I lost my drivers license and also that I had moved to my friends address. So for a small fee I got a brand-new drivers license with a brand-new address. I had a drivers license if he asked me, but he didn’t ask about that or insurance or whether or not Mom and Dad wanted me to have my own car. I still admire how brave that guy was to not ask any questions. I politely thanked him for selling me the car and drove away before he thought about what he had done and stopped me because he changed his mind.
Oh my gosh, you wouldn’t believe the adrenaline that was going through me as I drove my new car away. I just bought my first car and Mom and Dad didn’t even know about it . I had to protect my secret at all costs because it was going to be my transportation to see the woman that I love.
In order to avoid detection, I found a pretty good parking spot about a block away from my house. I didn’t have any insurance but who needs that. I’m going to drive careful and insurance would be ridiculous because I can barely afford the gasoline at 30 cents a gallon. I didn’t have a job.
I began to have a problem. I discovered that my battery was bad and losing charge so fast that I was having difficulty starting the car sometimes. It would barely turn over and fire. I had to find a new place to park which could remedy my problem. My new place to park was at the top of a long steep hill. If you do what I did, you really don’t need a battery at all. I’ll tell you what you do and it works even on cold mornings when there’s frost on the windshield. You push in the clutch and the brake and shift into second gear. Then you take off the emergency brake. You know, that’s the little stick in the middle that makes you car smell funny.. Once the emergency brake is released, you pull out the choke and turn the key to the on position. Now you take your foot off the brake but remember you are still depressing the clutch. As you hold in the clutch with your right leg, you open the door and start pushing at the ground with your left leg to get the car rolling forward towards downhill.. Then about halfway down the hill, when you’re rolling fast, you bring your leg in and slam the door shut and let out the clutch and floor the gas pedal. It’ll sputter and cough and choke but it’s going to start warming up real good now. You better shift into 3rd before you rev the engine to high because you definitely do not want to redline an old motor.
If you asked me how I knew how to do all this at age 16, I would tell you that the angels whispered it in my ear.
One time, I cut school with a couple of buddies because I wanted to drive to Walnut Creek and visit a girl. (Don’t ask me about Sherry vrs. the girl in Walnut Creek — I’m fickle so what can I say.) Her mother said she wasn’t home so the trip was for nothing. Actually I shouldn’t say that because it was an adventure to go on a road trip in my little 48 Chevy. It was a great drive and I was proud that the car made it with no difficulty on such a long trip. The only thing was that upon later inspection, the radiator was full of some kind of gunk, but it never overheated. I took the car to a car wash and got a little glass tube of some smelly stuff for my car. I can still smell it. When I smelled it I thought that the smell smelled like the smelliest smell that I have ever smelled. Sometimes I still smell that weird smell in my memory.
My mother didn’t raise a complete nincompoop because, on my own, I decided to get rid of the car that I loved so much . I couldn’t afford the upkeep on a car and it bothered me a little bit that I didn’t have insurance.
My friend and told me he wanted to buy my car one time so I told him he could have it for 100 bucks. He gave me 100 bucks and he drove off with my beautiful car and I made a little profit but I was sad to see it go.
The following day, Ed’s mother call the house and talked to Dad. She was angry that I had sold Ed a car and no parents even knew about it. Of course, dad didn’t know about it either. He was so befuddled by this entire story that he decided to just punishment me by reversing each transaction and the car went back to the original owner. Dad said, you are not going to be a used car salesman. I don’t think mom and dad ever found out that I had a brand-new driver’s license and dad never asked me about the 1948 Chevrolet 4 door sedan that I bought, because I don’t think he wanted to know too much or the details about the transaction. I never did rekindle my ramance with Jane Wyman because she had a new boyfriend and probably thought that he was better than me. Well, heh ! That’s a good one !
