But what if you do need it for yourself Gen. What if your whole life you felt like you've been denied what you deserve and now even when you have

it, you don't seem to be able to recognize it. I spent 15 years totally dedicated only to be emotionally brutalized. And now I'm trying to make up for the abuse.

But, . I can never go back and erase the pain however its lingering effects are still there in day-to-day life.

Totally a different thing. I have a friend who uses methamphetamine hydrochloride. She's lost her children through her drug use.

You know you don't just love one person in this world. I love many people. I still love you Jen despite all odds. Of course I love my wife more than I love myself.

I don't think love should be restricted in any way. I think it should be allowed to flow even if it's growing out of a crack in the sidewalk.

So I fell in love with the methamphetamine user.I think my love comes from concern and fear of that I'm going to be losing my friend. All she talks about

is killing herself because she lost her children through her drug use and she's got nothing left to live for. Yes I love her, but regardless of how many tears,

she just keeps getting worse. I pray for her, I send her letters even though she says she hates me and she's sorry she ever met me.

I know she doesn't mean it but you can't help somebody that refuses help.

I don't know why I'm telling you Genevieve. I know how stupid I am, messing up my happiness over somebody that is throwing their life in the toilet on purpose.

I've been dedicated to helping her get off of that drug for almost a year now. Not for myself in any way, but to see her get her children back and

quit drugs and lead a happy life.

I don't know if I'm a master of love but I certainly don't treat the subject lightly

It tears me up to think there soon will be a funeral for my friend that I care about very deeply.