13 YEARS IN HELL, MY LOVE
I wanted you to see, my friend,
the Hell she put me through.
Maybe if I can tell you — –
I can get it out of me.
The war she put me through,
was mostly her
and not as much me.
Yes, it’s my opinion and maybe
not others point of view, but
I was thinking, why even be,
what’s the use ?
Things she did and said,
I still can’t forget.
Her laughing at me,
the sexual tension in my head,
a wasted youth, I just wanted us to be.
I thought it was love, yes.
It wasn’t the same for her
as it was for me.
When we were single
we couldn’t wait,
passionate love,
now baby on the way.
Inside her head, something went off.
We stop being “us” and
a desperate love instead.
We couldn’t find each other and
our future was at stake,
making love, almost never.
With all the glass that we break
there’s no point in trying anymore.
I played my last card.
The pain hate and anger that was not there before,
is there now that I know the score….
I punched the wall so hard
I thought my hand would break.
I had such fire such anger.
sexual anger mixed with lust
mix that with a broken heart
it’s a powerful cocktail to take.
I was so hormonal, the fire kept my mind fed.
My pillow was wet, tears are in my nightmare bed.
Not able to accept our love at an end,
I made a wish,
I wished that I was dead.
……………………………………………………
maybe she said
to herself inside,
I’ll make him sorry
for nothing he did………….
serves him right
for what I imagined…..
Imagined that he did
and imagined that he hid.
When he leaves feeling crazy inside,
bring him back again.
Play yo-yo with his heart
this poor broken sot,
and watch him. This time might prove
if he loves me or not.
……………………………………………………….
I’m almost done my friend
telling you my 13 years in hell.
If I had a chance to talk beyond the veil,
I would tell her this — –
so many years have slipped by
I thought I’d say hi…….
I haven’t forgot you. My how time does fly.
We are both healed and our love left scars.
I feel them still but your fate
was sealed when you passed away.
I thank my lucky stars
I made it out alive. I finally found peace
in a happy place.
I have lots of room
for the things I found.
I’m sorry life was so hard for you.
I believe inside that you loved me and I forgive you,
I feared losing you
and then, I feared losing me.
My marriage to you
almost ended me
it tears my heart in two,
those wasted years with you.
I’m pushing you out of me.
I’m pushing you out of my head.
I find Betty Davis’s words
ringing in my ears.
Don’t say bad things about the dead….
You are dead and that is good ! !
you’ll never break my heart again
and I guess that’s nuff said.
